Wednesday 29 June 2011

Marksman Sam

Written by Marriott Edgar   
When Sam Small joined the regiment,
'E were no' but a raw recruit,
And they marched 'im away one wint'ry day,
'Is musket course to shoot.
They woke 'im up at the crack o' dawn,
Wi' many a nudge and shake,
'E were dreaming that t' Sergeant 'ad broke 'is neck,
And 'e didn't want to wake.
Lieutenant Bird came on parade,
And chided the lads for mooning,
'E talked in a voice like a pound o' plums,
'Is tonsils needed pruning.
"Move to the right by fours," he said,
Crisp like but most severe,
But Sam didn't know 'is right from 'is left,
So pretended 'e didn't 'ear.
Said Lieutenant, "Sergeant, take this man's name."
The Sergeant took out 'is pencil,
'E were getting ashamed o' taking Sam's name,
And were thinking o' cutting a stencil.
Sam carried a musket, a knapsack and coat,
Spare boots that 'e'd managed to wangle,
A 'atchet, a spade... in fact, as Sam said,
'E'd got everything bar t'kitchen mangle.
"March easy men," Lieutenant cried,
As the musket range grew near,
"March easy me blushing Aunt Fanny," said Sam,
"What a chance with all this 'ere."
When they told 'im to fire at five 'undred yards,
Sam nearly 'ad a fit,
For a six foot wall, or the Albert 'All,
Were all 'e were likely to 'it.
'E'd fitted a cork in 'is musket end,
To keep 'is powder dry,
And 'e didn't remember to take it out,
The first time 'e let fly.
'Is gun went off with a kind o' pop,
Where 'is bullet went no-one knew,
But next day they spoke of a tinker's moke,
Being killed by a cork... in Crewe.
At three 'undred yards, Sam shut 'is eyes,
And took a careful aim,
'E failed to score but the marker swore,
And walked away quite lame.
At two 'undred yards, Sam fired so wild,
That the Sergeant feared for 'is skin,
And the lads all cleared int' t' neighbouring field,
And started to dig 'emselves in.
"Ooh, Sergeant! I hear a scraping noise,"
Said Sam, "What can it be?"
The noise that 'e 'eard were lieutenant Bird,
'Oo were climbing the nearest tree.
"Ooh, Sergeant!" said Sam, "I've 'it the bull!
What price my shooting now?"
Said the Sergeant, "A bull? Yer gormless fool,
Yon isn't a bull... it's a cow!"
At fifty yards 'is musket kicked,
And went off with a noise like a blizzard,
And down came a crow looking fair surprised,
With a ram-rod through 'is gizzard.
As 'e loaded 'is musket to fire agen,
Said the Sergeant, "Don't waste shot!
Yer'd best fix bayonets and charge, my lad,
It's the only chance yer've got.
Sam kept loading 'is gun while the Sergeant spoke,
Till the bullets peeped out of the muzzle,
When all of a sudden it went off bang!
What made it go were a puzzle.
The bullets flew out in a kind of a spray,
And everything round got peppered,
When they counted 'is score... 'e'd got eight bulls eyes,
Four magpies, two lambs and a shepherd.
And the Sergeant for this got a D.C.M.
And the Colonel an O.B.E.
Lieutenant Bird got the D.S.O.
And Sam got... five days C.B.
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Sunday 19 June 2011

The Prices of Ther-Things Today


 Eggs Up Knickers Der-Down! Must Ter-Tell  Ner-Nurse Ger-Glady's Emmanuel, Ger-Granville Wer-Watch the Shop!
 
  visit our corner shop...especially the lair..ladies or I could deliver at sh..sh...shar...short notice! 

are we still selling them cakes the ones with the dead flies on.... They look like cu..cu..care ...currants!


Aye Leh-Leh-Ladi we'ore jeh-just ceh-call em Feh-Feh-Feh French Fancies


  What have i told you about Che-Che-Chucking Away Peh-Peh-Perfectly good Seh-Soiled packets
 


 

no uncle I have Ner..not thrown them away......just stored them care...care..carefully near the bins in t'yard. .....

  There's wer..one thing ahv allus wanted to know uncle.... Her...who wer..was my real fer..fer...father?
 
  Wer-Wer-Well I suppose it could be anyone of a Teh-Troop of Hungarian Soh-Soh- Soldiers Just Peh-Peh-Peh-Passing Through.

 
ahm supposing that the fer..fer..flys on the wer..wall are the same ones on the ker..ker..cakes....! I think I'm in love..Mavis

Ger-Granville Seh-Seh-Shes a Meh-Married Woman and Teh-Too Indeh-Deh-Deh-Decisive for You!
 
Aye you're probably right...still one day eh? Ok ok .....ahl sweep up !
 
if we don't sell this pedal bin soon we will have to empty it....
 
I'm fer fer fer following you ;)) xxx
  
 Weh Weh Welcome Zu-Zu-Zu-Debbie we Heh-Have a Neh-Nice Keh-Cooking oil good Feh-Feh-For Sun Beh-Beh-Bathing.
 
thh thh thh thank you fer fer fer the follow back swh swh sweetheart :)) xxx
 

O-Oh Beh-Beh-Blushing Now! :0)
  

Nurse Gladys Emmanuel isn't around is she? Shh shh she will have your ghur ghur guts for garters! ;) x
 
Cher-Cher-Shes Running an Iron over me Tre-Tre-Trousers not at all Weh-What i Heh-Had in Mind when i Air-Air-Asked her To

Geh-Granville Polish those Seh-Suprise Dinner Tins on that She-shelf the ones without the Leh-Labels

they're not a sur..sur..surprise to most folk not if they're expecting ber..ber..broken ber..ber..biscuits!
 
ker..ker..crumbs... Wer..wer ..well they wer..will be by ner.. Now!
 
oi oi


oi oi oil Cooking or Engine? we have the Leh-Leh-Lot at Ar-Ar-Arkwrights Empor-por-por-porium

Ahm expected to bike all that way to her place when ah get there she moved.....!!
 
Weh-Wife Swapping Should not be Meh-Mentioned in the Veh-Viccinity of Ner-Nurse Gladys Air-Air-Emmanuel
if you think I am ker..carting all that oi oi oil down to the west country bi..bi..bike fer..fer..think on!!
 
Weh-well I don't Ner-Know where the Ger-Gentleman lives But You've got to Earn that Three pound Weh-Week Weh-Wage

my uncle is der..der..definitely a skinflint!


I'm Only Teh-Teh-Tight in the Tre-Tre-Trouser Department
 
You know that's news to me.... I never knew we had a ter..ter..trouser
department!
  YamYam_Bond007
Can yow sell me four candles?

 


Peh-Pink One or Teh-T'other from Heh-Here Seh-Sorry candles Seh-Slightly Used Leh-LOL
 
Weh-Weh-Welcome Peh-Peh We Have a Range of Neh-Neh-Knitting Wool Peh-Peh-Perhaps you could Knit Ger-Granville a New Teh-Tank top
  
maybe I will:)
 
Ger-Great i'll Leh-Let Him Know Hes Heh-Had t'other one Since He was Teh-Ten
 possumpot
bout time for a new one then ;)
 
 @possumpot ahl ave you know all the ler.. ladies think my tank top ser. .suits me even though its a little on the small side..

haha!
 
Welcome

 
Weh-WeH-Welcome Meh-Meh Always Neh-Nice to See a Bre-Brave Local Peh-Peh-Peh-Peh-Peh-Soldier with Money Beh-Burning a hole

 
Thats enough Feh-From Me Otherwise Geh-Gladys will Geh-Give me a Thick Ear
 
  thankyou
  
Teh-Thats Alright Geh-Good luck on your Que-Quest :0)x
 
Hello to you too,lol
  
Weh-Weh-Welcome Leh-Leh my shop is always open for Geh-Gentlemen of Neh-Northern extraction up the Beh-Beh-Beh-Baggies
 
uncle are you sipping the funny stuff again. .....
  
oh aye Weh-Weh-Wincarnis Teh-Teh-Tonic Wine it makes yo Feh-Feel a bit Leh-Light Headed and Support Che-Chelsea

you'd beh. .better keh. .keep your weh. .wits about you sipping the funn
y stuff is addling your beh..beh..brains!
 
oooooH I Keh-Keh-Couldn't Employ any of them Seh-Soft Southerners in my She-Shop I'd Geh-Go Beh-Beh-Bankrupt Air-Air
 
my pob is sa..ss..safe then!!
 

TY 4 the follow ~ Appreciation
  
 Weh-Welcome Spe-Spe Are you Leh-Local or South of Deh-Donny Veh-Visit our Shop in Balby Weh-When you got a Mo
  
 Weh-Welcome Yeh- for you Neh-Next Gourmet Air-Air-Extravagansa Might i Seh-Suggest our Seh-Surprise Cans
 
yow shure con me mon
 
I am as Reh-Real as Leh-Leh-Leh but hes Neh-Not a Meh-Member of Deh-Donny Shopkeepers Ass-Ass-Association
  
  this was me as a toddler before I started earning big money at your corner shop....
 
  Eh-Heh Thats when yer Mam Neh-Knitted that Teh-Tank top Feh-Feh-Fetch a Neh-Nappy
 
ah wish I knew who my real peh..peh..parents were did you know me mam?
 
Granville8 your Peh-Probably like yeh-yeh- yamyam three Meh-Messages up, Now Get Peh-Polishing those Apples
 
Open All Bowles the Meh-Meh Movie
 
little corner shop of horrors hehe!
 
  welcome new follow>
 
Weh-Weh-Welcome Feh-Feh I Leh-Like your Feh-Farting Slippers do they Meh-Make that sound when you Weh-Walk in them
  
  Haven't found a manufacturer who can get the sound right, hopefully soon though.
  
Geh-Granville could make you a Reh-Recording after he finishes one of my Leh-Large bars of Whole Neh-Nut he 
  
Dddddid you have a good day in the shop today??
 
  Meh-Meh-Mainly Window Shoppers But Weh-When we got them in That Seh-Silly Geh-Granville tried to Seh-Sell them the Windows
 
❤───██▀╔╗╦ ═╦╗╔╗║░╦██▀╔╗╦─╦─╔╗║░║ ──❤ 
❤───██▀║╝╩ ═╩╝╠╣╚╦╝██▀╚╝╚╝╚╝╚╝╚╩╝─❤ 
❤───██─╝║──── ╩║─║─██───────────❤ 
❤─── ───────❤..
OooH I Deh-Don't Know about this -F-F-FF ing hope i Deh-Don't make a Peh-Peh-Pigs Ear of Feh-Things
 
Thanks 4 mentions

  :D but what does it all mean?? ...:: ??????????

Ore Leh-Lad Have You Neh-Not Seen Meh-My TV Show Visit Meh-My Blog And Weh-Watch an Episode
 
  ddddo yooou sssselllllll cooooooffffeeee?

  :D but what does it all mean?? ...:: ??????????
  -F-F From Your Feh-Friendly Leh-Local Corner Cher-Shop. Yes Deh-David We Heh-Have Kenyan, Brazilian, Indian or Bradford
  
Ta for the ffffffffff
 
  EEh! Heh-Having to explain to an Eh-Eh-Indonesian about Meh-My Corner Shop Seh-Seems like Feh-Flogging a Deh-Dead Horse 
 Weh-Welcome Seh- We don't see many Cher-Short Skirts and Heh-High Heels around these Peh-Parts as they do in Air-Air-Essex
 
  we are not all like that or are we orange oompa loompa's lol x
  
Heh-Here the Leh-Lasses Like to where thick Woolens Covering up there Uh-Uh-UnTouchables so I Gather from exploring Gladys 
 
  hahaahahaha
 
  oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooof
 
  Seh-Someone in the Feh-Far East Just asked me Weh-What was all this -F-F-F Leh-LOL
  -F-F From Your Feh-Friendly Leh-Local Corner Cher-Shop
 
  th ther th thankyou... der de der darling :)))) xxx
 
-F-F From Your Feh-Friendly Leh-Local Corner Cher-Shop
 
 ": -F-F From Your Feh-Friendly Leh-Local Corner Cher-Shop". < Th th thanks heheh

Eh Up Leh-Lad can i Reh-Releave you of the Beh-Burden of Such a Heh-Heavy Wallet?
 Weh-Weh-Welcome Jeh-Jeh Feh-From the t'other side of the Peh-Peh-Pond I Geh-Gather a bit to far to Peh-Pop to me Cher-Shop
 
  <F4F?


 Weh-Weh-Welcome Ass- as a Weh-Wine Buff you Meh-Might like our Spe-Special offer Vintage Beh-Beaujolais nouveau from Japan
 
  never tried a jap one,maybe granville has , can you ask him please ?

 Geh-Geh- Have you tried this Jeh-Japanese Beh-Bojolais and I Heh-Hope you Peh-Paid if you Did?
 
getting peh..peh..peh..persistently merry is feh..favourite peh..peh..peh..........pastime! Hic!
-F-F From Your Feh-Friendly Leh-Local Corner Cher-Shop
 
  ta much!
 
  watch out for the notorious cash drawer
Deh-Did Ya Hear the Keh-Customer Keep Yeh-Your Fingers out of My Till Unless Yeh-Your Thinking of Peh-Paying
 
I heh...he..heard you my tank top was ca..ca..caught in the till drawer....spilt me wine now dammit!.....
 Weh-Welcome Keh- As a Busy Meh-Mum you might Leh-Like to Peh-Partake of our Special Seh-Suprise Dinners
 
  thankyou lovely, cheers for the follow :)
 
Weh-Weh-Welcome Keh-Keh All the Neh-Nice girls Like a Seh-Sailor I like Them wi Heh-Heavy Wallets Spe-Spending on Shore Leh-Leave
 
  :))
 
Weh-Welcome Peh-Peh I'm Not one For Peh-Political Deh-Discussions Unless its Veh- V.A.T. Veh-Valuable Assets Triffled with
 
  What a wonderful find you seem to be

  -F-F From Your Feh-Friendly Leh-Local Corner Cher-Shop
 
  Ch-Ch-Ch-cheers Ark-ark-dude...!!!! :0)
 
-F-F From Your Feh-Friendly Leh-Local Corner Cher-Shop

  why thank you!!! Xx
 
Weh-Weh-Welcome Fu-Fu- Oop Neh-North we have a Seh-Saying its Oop Neh-North Usually Peh-Preceded by Feh-From I see your Meh-Middle
  Haha ! You're gonna be fun x
 
  Aye My Geh-Gladys Says That Weh-When i'm Standing in me Keh-Combinations While she Irons me Tre-Trousers
 Weh-Weh-Welcome Leh-Leh An enegetic Teh-Talented lady Deh-Does Your Heh-Husband Reh-Rick Draw any Co-Co-Conclusions Le-LOL
 
  my beloved Draws many Co-Co-Conclusions... good thing you are Open All Hours LOL
aye allways Heh-Here with Teh-Tea Bags and Seh-Seh-Sympathy and
 
  (via )
 
 Fer-Thanks Fer your Oh Deh-DEAR
 
Weh-Weh-Welcome Jeh-Jeh Interesting Ble-Blog on Ah-Ah-Africa in a Feh-Former Life my Meh- Mother came from the Keh-Kenya
 
very impressive (the stutter).
 
  Weh-What Ste-Ste-Ste-Stutter Leh-LOL
 Weh-Weh-Welcome Meh-Meh-Meh I Heh-Have a Deh-Des O'Connor Reh-Record thats soo old the Heh-Hole has Heh-Healed up Leh-LOL
 
I thought Granville had a collection in the back room
 
was jer. .just delivering.sum grocery an Ner Ner noticed am being fer..fer. .followed by strangers! !!
 
Well Feh-Follow em Beh-Back before they leave Cher-Shop Lad
 
~ Brilliant!
 
 Gre-Gre-Greetings Ga-Ga not Leh-Lady Ga-Ga Weh-Where Do you Heh-Hail From?
  from the Colonies! now in the land of Poles.
 
  Oh Aye a Am-Am-American in Poland Beh-Beat that Geh-Gene Kelly Can ya Deh-Dance with Deh-Dustbin Lids ont Feh-Feet LOL
 
  seriously looking forward to my weh weh welcome :-)
 
Weh-Welcome Ah Lovely Southern Leh-Lass But Her Heh-Heart is in the Neh-North My Father Weh-Was a Flautist but they Got him Fer it
 
  thank you :-)
 
 Weh-Welcome Bre They Teh-Tell me Your Peh-Pies Rival Saxbys Neh Even Meh-Melton Meh-Mulberry Do you do other Peh-Pies aswell
 
  Hello Mr A - they don't lie you know - ours are rather fine, and not like other pies. At the mo just pork pies & Crackle.
 
  Oooh is that Cre-Crackling as in Peh-Pork i'm on me way in July i'll come and Peh-Partake and Say Heh-Hello Brundall 14 days
 
  Marvellous. :)
 
  thanks for the ff f ollower Grr Granville lol
 
 Weh-Weh-Welcome Heh-Heh Neh-Northern Cher-Chap Not the Leh-Laird of Beh-Ballantrae but Yowl Leh-Look
 
  and the real der-der-deal :)
 Weh-Weh-Welcome Si-Si- They Teh-Tell me you Heh-Have the Neh-Knowledge How much is it from Balby, Donny, to London?
 
  If I had a scobby where it was I might be able to help you :)
 
@ t t t t ta ver ver very much


 Gre-Gre-Greetings Yo-Yo Much Feh-Favoured Amongest Neh-Northern Community Beh-Back

  , , , , , , ,
 
 Weh-Weh-Welcome Reh- I Seh-Support Am-Am-Amnesty Thingy Meh-Me self but Not Feh-Financially of Course No Whale Oil for Lamps now
  
Ner Ner not sa..sure ah want people to sa..sa..see me having intercourse uncle! !!
 
  Thanks Neil :)
 
  Thanks. Have a good 'un !!
 
  th th th thank y y you.
 
 RT : Gre-Gre-Greetings Yo-Yo Much Feh-Favoured Amongest Neh-Northern Community Beh-Back >> hell yeah!
 
  another great Yorkshireman!!!

  Aw Weh-What an accolade Geh-Great YorkShiremen I feel like Sir Geoffrey Beh-Boycott without the Reh-Runs
 Weh-Welcome Jeh From Buxton Lovely Spe-Spar Toon in Deh-Derbyshire I stock your Water Mine Teh-Tastes like Peh-Pussy in t' Well
 
  thank you Sir :o)) very lovely Buxton and glad you stock the water :o)
 
Oooh Ste-Stocking Makes me Think Neh-Nearly time to Spy on Neh-Nurse Gladys She will undress infront of window Beh-Bless Her

  haha oh yess :o)) totally bless her :o)
Weh-Weh-Welcome Deh- I Leh-Like aswell Corn Beh-Beef Tattys and Onions Kent the Garden of England, Donny the Back Yard
 
  Thanks for that warm welcome! I trust Granville is well?
  
  He's a feh-feh-feh funny fu-fu-fu feller tha knows.
 
 Weh-Welcome Seh Walsall Seh-Supporter and Beh-Barmy army Cricket Feh-Fan Vladivar Veh-Vodka from Weh-Warrington is Stocked Ear
 
good work fella
 

can't promise that ah wunt dig jn to the peh peh peanuts before ah gerrem delivered tee hee
 
Weh-Weh-Welcome Li-Li- Lovely Oriental Leh-Lass or is it a bad Feh-Photo You'd be a Lovely Teh-Takeaway for Geh-

  Erm thanks, I think? Lol
  
  ahl mek sure the stuff I deliver is feh. Feh..Feh..fresh for you le..lassie lol
  
  Haha ok then :D
 Weh-Welcome Feh-Feh Knowing Beh-Barnsley answer Peh-Playboy The only Peh-Playboy in toon is called Peh-Parkingson Tourism Cull
 
  That sher..sher..sher should be tarn. Anyway da der der Dicky Bird is a peh peh playboy as well...as nurse Gladys Emmanuel.
 
  Thx for the
 
  my beh...beh..bells gone rusty whe. .when can ah have a new be..be..bike??
 

uncle ah think ahm in love. .....*sigh*

 

ah Dont talk be..be..bollocks ah talk be be bikes.!!!
 
Nite Nite Northern Tweeps Geh- Leh-Lock-up 


  

yeh.yeh.you know ahm supposed to be on a Der Der Der date now ahm ler..late tuh!

 
Weh-Weh-Welcome Th-Th are you an Irish Leh-Lass or an Import Veh-Very nice Import i must Seh-Say if only to Meh-My Follows


 Th-Th-Thank U!! :)) XOXO
 
  Th-The-Thank you! Ve-Ves-Viseted your Leh-Local Shop! Bea-beau-Beautiful! And Th-The-Thanks for
 
  Well we do Peh-Pride Ourselves on being Neh-Neat n Teh-Tidy Even if I Heh-Have to Chase Geh- to achieve this Feh-Feat
  send the lad round, mind he doesn't forget the beet. I'll have something nice waiting fer him
 
  Geh- Get Beh-Bike out yow Geh-Got a Delivery don't Feh-Feh-Forget Beet you Lazy Boy

 Weh-Weh-Welcome Reh-Reh OoooH I could Seh-Sell yow some Feh-Flit for that Beh-Bugger on your eye Meh-Makes me want to Optrex
 
  Took me ages to train the mozzie for that shot. Glad you like it!

  Oooh its Mem-mesmorising Keep Heh-Hoping you Beh-Blink and Squash the Beh-Bugger Oooh I'm Seh-Starting to itch again
 
my lady customers just love running their fer..fer..fer..fingers through my barnet
  
  Room for A Geh-Gypsy encampment enhall you Sce-Sce-Scruff
  
  I think you her her her have right cher cheek uncle
 
  Ooooh Geh-Gladys is Just as Beh-Buxsom as usual I've taken to Reh-Running lately Her Ste-Stockings get Keh-Caught on me Weh-Watch
  
  ahm ser ser sayin nowt ah would ler ler like a little mer mer more respect around here for t'work I do..
 
Weh-Weh-Welcome By-By Eeee I Leh-Like your Neh-Name Buy n Go thats Meh-Music to my ears Leh-Like the Shop Beh-Bell
 
  you need a proper shop like Mrs B's in Gornal village. Ha. Granville can run the old un.
 
  Oooh is Mrs Beh-B's on Leh-Line i'll ge er a Leh-Look so long as shes Neh-Not one of these Heh-Happy Shoppers I'm More Humpy Shopper
  Aye sin it Neh-Now Leh-Louise Steet, Lower Geh-Gornal Duddy its got a Reh-Restaurant en all Geh- would eat Neh-Non Stop

 Weh-Welcome B- Beh-Busy Mum Come Beh-Browse our Cher-Shop Special offer this Weh-Week Surprise Cans Dog Food or HomePride Mince?
 
  thankyou lol! You & recommended by :)
 
Oooh he's that Neh-Norwich Beh-Black Cabbie Leh-Lovely Chap I suppose in his Weh-Work it Peh-Pays 2B
 
eeh! Ahm all hungry like now...
 
  leave so Pork sarnys for me old chap!

 Weh-Weh-Welcome Keh- My Peh-PA is Geh- I Peh-Personally Assist Gladys Out of Heh-Her Clothes Weh-When she lets Me
 
 Everyone follow xx
 
ahm allus polishing me mostly per..per..polishing off me grub!!
 
 Weh-Weh-Welcome Ste From Leh-Leafy Surry Leh-Lover of Candy Feh-Floss and Looks like Dover in the Beh-Backgound of yow Beh-Blog Pic
 
  I thank you! It's actually Ber ber ber ber ber-ber-ber Bognor. x
 
OoooH Beh-Bognor Feh-Funny Name for a Lovely Place Named after Feh-Famous Baggies Player Cyril Regis Leh-LOL
  Heh-Hello Fellow E-E-Entrepreneur Will yow Accept as an Ap-Ap-Apprentice He works Che-Cheap £3 per Weh-Week will Do
 
Ahl only do it if he buys me a Ner..new be..be..ber bike!
 
Bo-Both of you a-aa-are a gr-gre-great team! Oh that's hard to write in stutter:)

  Aye Weh-Wer a Leh-Lucky Find not so Leh-Lucky if your a Beh-Busy Corner Shop in Beh-Balby a bit of a Deh-Dreamer
 
dreaming of owning me own sher. .sher..shop mebbe.
 
Weh-Welcome Eh- Oooh its Teh-Too Hot to have a Neh-Name Like Elvis Weh-Winterbottom today Que-Quite a Northern Neh-Name doh
 
  HI! Thanks for being friends. Take a look at my webseries that I write and star in; www.youtube.com/user/thedickandjaneshow
 
Fer-Thanks nice Seh-Series you Heh-Have There Peh-Prefer Live Audence Weh-Whenever possible Canned Leh-Laughter is anoying
 Weh-Well Had a Leh-Lovely Afternoon in Peh-Park Listening to Beh-Brass Band hunreds of Old Keh-Codgers n chairs It wer like Geriatric Glasto
 Took Some Jeh-Jubblys T' Peh-Park and Handed Them out teh Kiddies Feh-Freezer wer on Beh-Blink half Peh-Price for Oldies All Heh-Heart Me
 
Weh-Welcome OcK-Ock Deh-Dithering one & Beh-Black Country Leh-Lad yow Spe-Speak Leh-Lingo wi Coal Deh-Dust in thy Veh-Veins
 
  Owd on Mr Arkwright I spakes better an Mrs Jardine
  
  Heh-Who's Mrs Jardine Weh-When shes at Home?
 
  Day dreaming is fine! Takes you right back into childhood. Was a really good time - for me!
 
Was it Leh-Like Skippy and the Reh-Ranger Dad, "Weh-Whats that Skip Theres a Keh-Car Down a Reh-Ravine" All 'armless Teh-Tosh
 
Weh-Welcome Ji- From Weh-Wirral are you the Meh-Missing Piece of the 6000 Peh-Piece One I Just completed been Leh-looking for you
  Looking for the best holiday ever? Want your own personal Cruise Guide?
 
 No Leh-Lad yow Geh-Got to Visit the Shop and I talk yow into Beh-Buying something yow Deh-Dont Need, T'Other way Ah-Ah-Around
 
Ahm askin fer a peh..peh..pay rise ahv med oop me mind!  
  owz lovely nurse gladys these days ?
  
ahv a ser..ser..soft spot for ner...ner..nurse Gladys Emmanuel .... has a hard spot in the ser..ser..same spot!!
Weh-Well she keeps me Deh-Ducking and Diving her Reh-Right handers and Neh-Nuzzles to her luv Peh-Pillows Grrr
  
  dreaming of being a.....

Just Like to Peh-Point out Neh-Next year you Weh-Wont' be a Meh-Millionare
 

Weh-Welcome Beh- Your a Beh-Big Lad Geh- granville8 Tried BodyBuilding once its Weh-Wonderful what you can make out of Leh-Lego
 
  he he good one i prefer sticklebricks lol

Weh-Welcome Je We av New Feh-Fangled Polish Peh-Products this Weh-Week Pop in and let me take some Weh-Weight off yer wallet
 
Haha.. it will be my pleasure ;)
 
Weh-Welcome I had a Hairy Piece once She Wer Shirley Crabtree I dumped Er Seh-Sharpish When she played Fer Beh-Bradford Northern
 
  Hi, me & the lads thank you for your welcome! Do you sell Blue Nun in your store? The Prestbury estate has a drought! x
 
We Haven't Had a Blue Nun since Winter of '63 Nuns go round in twos Tha Knows one Nun watches the other Nun don't Geh-Get None

  I thought they travelled in 3s, ain't had nun, don't want nun, can't get nun!
 
 Weh-Weh-Welcome Keh-Keh You Seh-Seem to be a Jeh-Jack of all trades I'm a Geh-Great Cooker of Books Leh-LOL
 
 Weh-Weh-Welcome El-El I see you visit the Neh-Nurse Just like me Only Mines more Feh-Fun OOps i Dribbled on me Peh-Paper
 
  yep my nurse wasn't nurse Gladys lol!
 
Very Weh-Welcome Neh-Norman My Jeh-JailBird Bruv difference between us is you got caught, the only Bird i'm doing is Gladys
 
  Make sure you keep that snout under the counter like we agreed.
 
Where the Congenial Heh-Harry Grout Can't find it Aye? Peh-Personal stash is safe and Feh-Favorably Priced
 
  My hero! xo

  Oooh Nurse Geh-Gladys Calls me that or was it Ah-Ah- A-Hole
 
I'm a jack of all trades master of Nun!!!!
 
Oooh the Beh-Blue Nun Would take a Deh-Dim view of that But i Deh-Dare say the Beh-Brown Nun would Love it

 Weh-Weh-Welcome Leh Feh-Famous Song Blue Meh-Moon reminds me of Geh-Gladys Emmanuel Getting Caught short in Weh-Woods last Xmas
 
  haha great tweets.
 
Weh-Welcome any time at Cher-Shop
 
Weh-Welcome Keh- we Deh-Don't Stock Teh-Tena Lady We'd be Hard Pressed to see a Teh-Tenner anywhere Locally so Sweat on Luv
 
  nooo then arz can cee that theee's bowd ta be a lil cheeky bugger eh

  Ooooh Cracky Lass We Could Feh-Flirt Behind Geh-Gladys Back but i'm Only after thy Leh-Loose Change
 
Weh-Welcome Le E Your Blog Photo Looks Like Trough of Bowland not very accessable to public Like Neh-Nurse Gladys Nether Reh-Regions
 
  Ha :-)
 
Weh-Weh-Welcome Ni another Keh-Customer from Land of Curry I told Geh- we should have got those Veh-Vesta Massalas
 
  tell me if any spices needed? frm the port of Bombay to the Granville store..
 
Oooh they do luv a Keh-Curry in Donny I'll have to ask the Leh-Local Take away 'The Turbanater' if they Neh-Need any
 
Weh-Welcome Ka- Lady G-G-Ga Ga Seems to be Teh-Taken the Peh-Pee out of by her outfit Deh-Designer a Nurses outfit would Deh-Do
 
  love this!!! But can't RT :((
 
You can Visit Cher-Shop and comment all Cher-Chat appears there if I-I-Interaction occurs Oooh I see you are Leh-Lol

Weh-Welcome Geh- a Reh-Robots Fan Only Automation I have She-Suffered is when Neh-Nurse Gladys Smacks me one Fer Trying it On
 
  L L L lol ger Granville!
 
Weh-welcome Reh- Bee of a Cher-Shirt Clash Wi Baggies v Teh-Toon we should have Teh-Tigger Stripes For Bouncing Boing-Boing
 
  th th thank you lol welcome to my world
 
Weh-Welcome Peh are you Cha-Chubby and Beh-Brown Like my Neh-Nurse Gladys Visit shop I'll elp yow Empty thy Heavy Peh-Purse
 
  Do you like pens?

  Yes we Seh-Sell Biros and Reh-Refills our main stock can be Feh-Found tucked behind Geh- 's Ear
 
Weh-Weh-Welcome Teh Lovely Yorkshire Leh-Lass When your in Donny Neh-Next Pop int' Shop and Spe-Spend that Heavy Leh-Loose change
 
 Ta very muchly!
 
Weh-Weh-Welcome Meh From T'other end of Teh-Tunnel Keh-Kent is the Geh-Garden of England Thy Neh-Knows Donny is thy Back Yard

  indeed I do! I hope you're not working Granville too hard up there in this warm weather
 
Weh-Weh-Welcome Keh Feh-Fat Keh-Cow from Eh-Essex Deh-Don't Know if yow Should Visit my Shop the Feh-Floor boards Won't Tek it

  there must be room in your shop for 2 large whites Arky x
 
Oooh Geh-Go on then Geh- can Nuzzle his Feh-Face in 'Em at Leh-Least it'll Keh-Keep him out of Geh-Gladys Cleavage
 
Weh-Weh-Welcome Seh Your Peh-Pussy is Like my Shop Cat and the Jeh-Jam Tarts For Months Folks Thought Paw prints Wer Smily Faces
 
  ...you make me chuckle :)
 
Weh-Welcome Neh-Northern Brainy Lasses are few n far between in Donny I say this because their attracted to Geh-
 
  thanks for the follow.. Oh! There are a lot of "brainy" lassies up here. But they don't have my wit and cheeky humour Lol.. ;)


  w w w what time does your shop open? I need some strongbow and a box of rubber jonnys
 
We from Open Deh-Dawn till Deh-Dusk For All your Reh-Requirements May I suggest the Leh-Local Brand Reh-Rubber Donny's

 Weh-Weh-Welcome Seh- Geh-George Formby was our most Feh-Famous Ukelele Peh-Player It turned out Neh-Nice again When he Deh-Died
 
  Apparently he was found, Stalin-like, hanging from a lamp-post on the corner of the street...
 
Geh-Good Job a Seh-Certain Little Leh-Lady Didn't Heh-Happen By, The Seh-Southerners Never Forgave the Neh-Northerners for him
 
Weh-Welcome Leh Hash Teh-Tadgery is Feh-Fun Beh-But it Weh-Wears out Thy Keh-KeyBoard Sumit Reh-Rotten No Beh-Bugger RT's N'all
 
  and I read your tweets to the sound of Arkwrights voice. I RT a couple of yours today, thank you for making me laugh :0)
 RT : Eels are Geh-Good Eels are Geh-Good he's Ebeneezers Geh-Good >>> 140 characters with a stutter - Life ain't easy
 
  You Keh-Can Say Deh-Dat again Cos I Feh-fecking Can't Leh-LOL
 
  hahahahaha! Oh Wow! LOL. Now see? That's going to be stuck in my head ALLLLL day!
 
  Fer Fer Fer Fuk me ur on Fer Fer Fer Fire today :) 
 
  Are you a spastic?


Neh-Neh-Neh-Neh-Neh-Neh-Neh No Jeh-Just can't Geh-Get me Weh-Worms Out
 
Weh-Weh-Welcome Beh Bit of a Keh-Controversial new Choice of Meh-Manager for the Villa But hes a Goodun Fans will Learn to Luv him

  . Y'know I am the original mrs fa fe fe fe faw featherstone

You Peh-Paper bill is overdue See Geh- for your Heh-Health and Officialdom Meh-Mag News of Weh-World now under counter

  lol.. I hope you boss knows your selling that particular rag ;)
  Oooh its just the last Keh-Copy farewell Neh-Nudes of the World
 
ah meh meh might as well sher shut Sunday no ner ner news o t'world
  well you have a fab time. And I hope the weather is good :)
  
heh..heh..have a nice time....
  Oooh I will, and while i'm away Feh-Fetch a Keh-Cloth and clean those Weh-Windows
 

 
Peh-Peh-Pilot Part 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxwAZl3v1GE&feature=related
Peh-Peh-Pilot Part3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O34rk4L9x04&feature=related
Arkwright "Wur Ear-Ear-It all Stir-Stir-Started, it Weh-Weh-Were Like a Feh-Feh-Feh-Feh-Fly on Weh-Weh-Wall Deh-Deh-Deh-Deh Doc-Doc-Doc-Doc Program"


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